The Directors: Anthony

The Directors: Marcus

The Directors: Mark

The Directors: Lucy

The Directors: Stephen

The Directors...

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What's Going On? Stephen

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In my early 20s I was physically fit, running and swimming regularly. I loved my job as a gardener and working outdoors. However, there were stresses and pressure in my personal life and increasing anxieties. At the age of 26, I was hospitalised for the first time following a night out in a pub when my drink was spiked. This seemed to trigger something - I couldn’t sleep and became very paranoid. The doctors told me I was a textbook case of Paranoid Schizophrenia. When I left hospital, I drank a lot of alcohol to try and blot everything out but this just put me in a darker place and I became more isolated. 

The paranoia was overwhelming, and I became badly agoraphobic. I couldn’t leave the house but even at home I thought microphones and surveillance cameras were watching me. I used to be outgoing but now I was trapped inside my head. When I did eventually venture out, I thought there were microphones and cameras in the bushes; shadows were people watching me. But I couldn’t tell anyone as I believed there would be consequences. 

Eventually, a friend in Newcastle helped me to overcome my anxieties. I would get on a bus and train two or three times a week to visit him. Having a taste of what it was like to go out again helped my recovery. I couldn’t accept being labelled as a person with poor mental health for the rest of my life. I stopped taking my medication and ended up in hospital again. 

In my late 30s, I had a different mind-set and wanted to get better. I wasn’t no longer paranoid and anxious. I made new friends and started re-learning my social skills. I took up swimming again and volunteered in the mental health sector. 

Unfortunately, the pandemic set me back a bit. My mum died and it affected my mental health. I didn’t feel I was going to relapse but struggled with having to be socially distanced from other people. 

Now I am very protective of my mental health and look after myself. I have my independence and enjoy the freedom of being able to go on a bus or train anywhere without feeling anxious. I live in quiet countryside but was able to deal with going down to London to make the film. 

I am about to do a mental health training course through Stamp it Out (an organisation led by people with lived experience) on Stigma and Discrimination so that I can do paid work in supporting others and leading courses. 

I’ve started thinking about the future; the places I want to go and things I want to do. I write music, sing and play the guitar. I dream of opening a coffee shop where I could have music evenings for the customers.

Stephen's story

The Directors is a collaboration between artist Marcus Coates and five individuals in recovery from different lived experiences of psychosis.

Artangel's Associate Director Michael Morris interviewed each Director on set. These audio files record their thoughts and feelings about the process of production.

The Directors Interview: Stephen by Artangel

After the film was shot, Michael Morris interviewed Stephen on set, capturing the director's thoughts and feelings on the process of production

Audio interview

Michael Morris interviewing Marcus Coates on the set of the film The Directors: Stephen (2022).

Commissioned by Artangel.

Find out more at artangel.org.uk/project/the-directors

Marcus Coates on the set of The Directors: Stephen

After the film was shot, Michael Morris interviewed Marcus Coates on set, capturing the artist's immediate reflections on his experience